Who do you think you are fucking with?

 

We all have limits and we all need them. And sometimes we all have to push it to the limit and sometimes even beyond to grow.

 

Being a model who is sometimes nude and illustrating sadomasochistic situations and abnormal sexual expressions and being a self proclaimed sadomasochist myself, often leads people with an a idea of me being boundless. But I never had boundaries, a high standard of expectations and values as strong, steady and clear as now. If I cross a sexual limit I do it by choice and new curiosity in a safe space and/or with a person I (at least think I) know, who knows people I (think I) know.

I would never go home with a stranger to have sex, I’m not selling entrance to my body-openings and I’m way more critical about drunk as well as sober hook ups than ever.

The fact that I now, today, have very specific needs that not any man would like me to demand, directly or indirectly, and the fact that I wouldn’t like to share them with a stranger, makes it way easier for me to protect myself from being fooled these days, or a least figure out fuck boys and (too) bad men quicker. Girl you can end up with  your head off and your limbs separated from your body, in the ocean,  after an interview in submarine (The Kim Wall Case). But don’t get too afraid either, things can go straight to hell everywhere, learn to see the signs and be a little safer.

BDSM have made me conscious and in control of my boundaries, demands and desires, as well a many other people with a BDSM-sexuality, and I often wish that desire for awareness and control was more normal among especially young females. For example the awareness that sexual predators is among us everywhere, and they always will be, very likely to be wolfs in sheep clothes (or a coverall) and pretty handsome/interesting. You never truly know who you’re fucking with (or their intentions or secret desires), so if you have sex with a stranger, if it’s at a sex party or “a normal hook up” down town, and if you are a girl who goes home with a guy who seems nice, to spend the night to just kiss/cuddle or share a bed with no sex, or his couch alone because there’s a long way home for one of you and the other lives near by, whatever, you literally don’t know what will happen when the door slams or who you are really fucking with all alone or with his friends. Remember the Patrick Bateman character and the Machiavelli-wisdom ‘Everyone sees what you appear to be, few experience what you really are.’.

Sometimes it’s like especially vanilla women expects safety from strangers rather than danger, and I have been naive too. Maybe today, many girls in The West are raised to be naive, and too many boys are not raised to respect girls/women at home. When I was younger, I’ve been chocked myself, that guys I knew superficially thought I was just playing hard to get if I clearly told them, that they could sleep at my place to be friendly, or I would like to spend the night with them intimate, without having sex as a “getting comfortable-process”. A lot of girls have trust issues and logical fears when it comes to the opposite sex, and often gets sexually offended, used or raped anyway, drunk or not. And it’s like many feminists think we can put the shame on pornography and the nature of men and twist them all around “to be like women” (like women are never ever wicked) and call everything else macho on our keep dreaming away to a world wide academical-feminist-educated Utopia.

It clearly is a problem and a very important topic to discuss to solve realistic, that girls can seem false sexually interested or have sex to feel love and hope for more, and guys can often act romantic-interested even for a longer period of time, just for sex and none of the parts involved are honest or talking about what is going on (sometimes to get what they want). Of cause it can be the other way around too.

After I was introduced to BDSM- and sex positive communities and poly-amorous people (and I found my self to be very monogamous) I’ve got more used to honesty than the opposite and almost thought that BDSM-people were better and healthier people when I was still very mad at everything normative. 50 Shades Of Grey surely helped sadomasochism out of the “sick fucks”-box, but also romanticized BDSM and damaging stereotypical gender roles, at least in the first movie. I haven’t watched the rest. I couldn’t watch the first movie to the end, it made too angry at that time. It made me angry that the girl Anastasia is a “unspoiled virgin” and Christian Grey is viewed as an Antihero Prince Charming who wouldn’t even spend the night with her, after having sex with her (a virgin(!)) and made her sign up a sexual contract with him as her master, her longing for a unrealistic novel-hero. A sexists dream and sugar babe dreaming combined, where the man can physically and emotionally dominate her in total and she is economically secured for life. Nothing new, and not a good introduction or expectations for newbies to the world of BDSM.

Sure thing there are seductive predators and narcissists everywhere forever. People in BDSM can be very sick fucks or mentally healthy sexual deviants, from a little kinky to totally extreme edge players, where things can suddenly go really fast, and even death can happen by mistake.

 

Everyone can be seduced and fooled

 

Keep your eyes open, avoid going spooky places alone and play safer with strangers

 

XOXO

Kitty T

 

Ps. In my fantasy I would love to punish Mr. Grey anytime (and The Rocket Man, without mercy to him that hath showed no mercy)

 

 

 

Stylize Photography – Photography By Heidi Sinnet